“Do As I Say, Not As I Do”

February 2, 2023 SuzanneLeave a comment

Whoever first coined the phrase “Do as I say, not as I do!” undoubtedly had good intentions but let’s face it, when it comes to raising children, intentions don’t count for much, at least not “for the long haul”. (Yet another old adage; the English language abounds with them.)

For instance: It may have been an expression used by a smoker, who did not want their child to pick up their bad habit, whatever the reason, the phrase has been around for a long, long time and can be applied to many situations. Gossip, back-biting, slander, cursing at other motorists, shoving someone to get to the front of the line, throwing something at the wall, and so forth – really the list can be a long one.

Question: Will this worn out expression… “Do as I say, not as I do!” nurture children, during their formative years, under the aforementioned displays of frustration, anger, etc.?

Answer: Ah… Not much.

Why?

Much of a child’s behaviour is learned by the examples they witness repeated before them. Words help but “Actions speak louder than words!” (Yep, another one.)

Digressing for a moment: Experience may be the way children learn, however it might not always be the safest. Overindulging in alcohol, experimenting with drugs, and promiscuity are a few examples of life’s experiences we’d like to prevent our children from “Learning the hard way!” (I won’t say it…lol)

Furthermore: How is it that we can easily forgive ourselves, make excuses, and expect our bad behaviour to be tolerated but then… turn around and criticize a child for mimicking the same behaviour? Ludicrous. Right?

*Children Learn by What They Have Seen and Heard*

That is why it is so very important for adults (parents, teachers, neighbours, shoppers, motorists, etc.) to set the right form of behaviour.

It’s not always easy but it is our responsibility.

Suzanne Rightley is an author of children’s fiction. For a list of her books visit Suzanne Rightley.

Lifestyle Changes · Parent and child relationships · Parenting · Quality Time with Children

Enjoy Quality Time With Your Children

January 13, 2023January 12, 2023 SuzanneLeave a comment

Time flies. Right? Before you know it, your precious youngsters are going to school, then college, then work, then… they visit you.

These are wonderful days. It may be challenging, but do not allow life’s stresses to steal quality time with your children.

To do so requires self-examination and of course… planning.

Know yourself – a little time to reflect on your current lifestyle is crucial. What are the triggers that easily throw off your best intentions. For many parents the distractions come from their phones. Notifications, by design, are set up for the receiver to take immediate action. The reality is – they can be ignored. Your child, on the other hand, should not be ignored if ‘quality time’ is your objective. Think – “I can mute my phone. I cannot mute my child.” It’s a priority thing.
There are times when you and your child’s plans are interrupted for legitimate reasons – someone knocks on the door, it’s the courier. Will this interruption last 2 minutes or 2 hours. Receiving the package is quick. Opening the package may throw off your best intentions if the product isn’t what you ordered and you’re ‘forced’ to contact the sender, etc. etc. You get the picture. Unexpected things do come up from time to time. How you assess and react may require some pre-planning. Think – triage. Do what must be done to handle the interruption efficiently and put off the rest until the timing is better for you and your child. Again – a priority thing.
Recognize/appreciate the characteristics of quality time – there are no set rules here. The amount of time you spend with your child will vary. Listening to their thoughts may only take 5 minutes out of your schedule, but your undivided attention matters to your little one. Take advantage of those precious moments and structure your body language to reflect your deep interest. Do you stop what you are doing to fully listen? Or do you simply nod along at what seems to be appropriate intervals? One thing is for sure – your child will know the difference.

Shared moments today will become fulfilling memories tomorrow.

Children may not recall the number of times you took them to the park, but they will remember enjoying their play time experience if they felt safe and had fun.
How you handle their problems will resonate throughout their formative years. Shouting, grounding, assorted punishments, and so forth do little in helping them know how to resolve their very real crises. A little empathy, thoughtful suggestions, and helping them understand real life consequences are far more meaningful than doing without ice cream for the next six months, which everyone knows is impossible.
Going the extra mile for your child might mean assistance with homework, reminding them to brush their teeth, helping them to keep there room neat and tidy, or encouraging words before a team sport. Consistency is key.

The rewards of good parenting may or may not be felt at the moment, but they will manifest themselves during the gratifying times you’ll spend with your ‘grown’ children, as you recall special moments during those… future visits.

Suzanne Rightley is an author of children’s fiction. Visit her author page for a complete list of her books.

Character Development · formative years · Opinions · Parent and child relationships · Parenting · Society and Values

Nameless Behind a Steering Wheel

December 10, 2022December 10, 2022 SuzanneLeave a comment

For some outraged drivers, sitting in the driver’s seat, affords them the freedom to yell and criticize other drivers and pedestrians.

Why is that?

The thing is, most of these same outraged people, would never vent, up close and personal, in someone’s face but within the confines of their vehicles, they become the all-knowing ‘superior drivers’ when they compare themselves to other motorists.

Their driving skills are exceptional (after all).

Sobering Fact: This blog is not likely to sway such drivers because… they already know their behaviour is unbecoming but the venting time is something they need (crave maybe) in efforts to derive a sense of control.

Surely there are other reasons, but the point of this blog is not to psychoanalyze, but rather to look at this from another vantage point… let’s say from the eyes of a five-year-old child.

OOPS!

Consider the following example…

A mom standing at a busy intersection holding her young son’s hand. The boy has his backpack proudly secured over his slim shoulders wearing a grin from ear to ear. He’s excited about going to school.

It’s a busy area with city buses coming and going in all directions because, beside a local elementary school, this is a popular bus stop for university and college students as well. Plus, there are commuters on their way to work.

As the boy and his mom wait to cross the busy street, a bus pulls up to take on ten to fifteen passengers. One of the would be passengers is an elderly man with a cane. He’s slow. Very slow…and many people are huffing about the delay but they keep silent.

Just another day in a busy life. The mom barely notices while the child seamlessly absorbs what he witnesses.

Here’s where it gets interesting…

A motorist pulls up behind the aforementioned bus and is halted, forced to come to a standstill. The other lanes are moving along at a snail’s pace, bumper to bumper. No quick lane change for the now temporarily ‘parked’ motorist.

The honking starts.

Yep… the driver is officially ‘ticked’ at the city bus. The hand goes down heavy on the horn.

From an objective (as opposed to subjective) bystander’s point of view it would go something like… “Hey, what do you expect the bus driver to do? Push a non-existent hydraulic button to raise the bus so you, ‘the important and impatient motorist’, can drive smoothly/safely under the bus?”

Ridiculous… sure. But isn’t honking at a city bus, who is…by nature of the job, at a standstill to allow commuters to board?

Aside from the obvious futility of the motorist’s outrage, at a city bus driver, is the mother’s indifference. She does not bend down to her child’s eye level and explain that the behaviour is not acceptable. What her son is seeing is a lack of patience, consideration, and etc.

For her, this is simply another ‘expected’ behaviour and therefore she gives it little thought…if any.

Meanwhile, her 5 year-old son, seamlessly absorbs what he witnesses. He assimilates the scene as ‘normal’ behaviour.

As motorists – we can do better.

As parents and other significant adults – we can take a moment to explain. Otherwise, in a few short years, this same 5 year-old will become another nameless driver who indulges in the freedom to vent at other ‘idiots’ on the road. Let’s face it… his driving skills are exceptional (after all).

Thanks for the visit

Suzanne Rightley is the author of several children’s fictional stories. Visit her author page here or website @ suzannerightley.com

Benefits of fictional stories for kids · formative years · Kids Books · Parent and child relationships · Parenting · Parenting Tips · Relationships

Kids Books Make Great Gifts

November 17, 2022December 3, 2022 SuzanneLeave a comment

Fiction and non-fiction books may seem like a ‘traditional’ gift, but consider that the novelty of a new book never wears off for kids.

Timeless Benefits of Kids Fiction Books

Encourages Critical Thinking

Reading story books remains one of the best ways for children to develop independent thinking skills. ‘Toy trends’ come and go, but exploring life, through the written word, continues to be timeless adventures for kids of all ages and a welcome gift.
Bear in mind that books delve into the thoughts and behaviours of other people – how these individuals respond to the world – what works for them, what doesn’t, how their actions and reactions affect others, consequences of behaviour, and etc.
In other words, a child safely learns what other people experience in life, a life that may or may not be similar to their own.
Furthermore, children are given an opportunity to ‘intuitively’ form opinions, establish values, evaluate merits of character traits, and so much more as they gather information about the world outside of their immediate environment.
Therefore, books do make great gifts for kids…however, choose them wisely considering how impressionable children are at different ages.

Builds Vocabulary and Develops Grammar Skills

A well-written children’s book will include a broad use of the English language. A properly constructed sentence will utilize the ‘inference’ concept which makes a word’s definition obvious. Furthermore, e-readers have built in definition software. Hovering over a word means kids quickly learn new words while enjoying uninterrupted reading.
Plenty of quality reading time means a child builds a familiarity for a foundation in sentence/paragraph structure, lively dialogue, and etc. This will prove invaluable for future creative writing, essays, reports, and so forth.

Provides Much Needed Quiet Time

Life has become overly stressful for many children today. Social media and busy schedules mean a child’s day can be demanding, leaving many children pressured to ‘keep up’.
Leisurely reading, that has no objective, other than ‘getting lost’ in a make-believe story, can provide a child’s growing brain some peace and relaxation. Similar to walking outdoors without earbuds delivering lyrics or podcasts hashing out problems, a ‘mindless’ walk enables a person to appreciate the smells, sounds, and visuals of nature. Likewise, fiction allows the mind to wander in the imagination.

Develops Comprehension and Awareness

It might go without saying, however the ability to understand what a person is reading is a life skill developed during childhood – thanks to both fiction and non-fiction content.
Understanding what we read is paramount in importance, but something that we generally take for granted.
Providing children with an abundance of varied reading material cannot be underestimated in its value.
Determine what a child finds most interesting (usually something that has a certain amount of humour) and broaden their learning experience from there.

‘To Do’ Suggestions for Parents

Many parents spend hours and hours reading books with their toddlers and preschoolers. This provides quality time to discuss a variety of topics and life skills.

Then one day, their children are reading on their own and their shared reading experience drops off…

Although young readers may not require their parents’ assistance, it is worth noting that children continue to need guidance throughout their formative years. Therefore…

Be aware of your child’s reading choices; busy lifestyles mean many things slip by parents; consider that the books your child is reading may be replacing your wise counsel
If the books they choose are inappropriate and potentially harmful, strive not to be critical of their choice but rather critical of the content; take the opportunity to explain why the material is not what you expect them to read
Remember that the books your child chooses is their choice – not yours; do not make demands that they read non-fiction if they prefer fiction or vice versa or insist they read mystery stories if they do not enjoy them. Whodunnits may by your preferred genre but your child may love science-fiction
If possible… read as many of the books your child chooses yourself; knowing the content of the books your child is reading provides an opportunity for discussion – try to keep it upbeat and friendly, share your thoughts and hopefully your child will share his or hers…

Life is a learning journey and books provide an excellent resource for open, frank discusssions on which to build parent/child relationships to last a life time.

Thanks for the visit

Suzanne Rightley is an author of children’s fiction stories. Visit her author page to discover if her books would make a reading gift for the child you know and love.