Listening to Kids: What They Say and Don’t Say

August 23, 2025December 12, 2025 SuzanneLeave a comment

Hearing what kids say, and what they don’t say, is an important aspect of parenting.

When children first start speaking, parents are thrilled. They catch every new word (even when adoringly mispronounced) and they share their joy with … just about everyone they know and – considering TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, and etc., a whole lot of people they don’t know.

As time goes on, those wonderful first words turn into a lot of chatter, and chatter, and even more chatter.

Somewhere along the way, many parents sorta tune out some of the gibber-jabber. It’s not hard to understand why. A child’s repetitive chatter is well… repetitive.

But parents should not relax when it comes to listening to their children. As their child’s world broadens, so do the influences – both positive and negative.

From neighborhoods, to schools, after school activities and… of course, let’s not forget their friends… children face many situations.

So yes, parents cherish their baby’s first words. They’re extremely attentive. As they should be.

But, as time speedily moves on, parents need to be even more vigilant about their child’s expanding world.

The harmless chatter from toddlers and preschoolers can change suddenly. This can happen overnight, if parents do not keep their listening skills sharp.

As a responsible parent, you want to tune into the things your kids don’t (or maybe can’t) put into words. To do…

Sharpen Your Listening Skills

Catch What’s Missing

Sudden changes in your child’s interests/routines: If circumstances don’t seem to justify the reasons… then their wish to change a formerly cherished hobby may show something has become uncomfortable for them. Refusing to go to places they used to love may also signal discomfort. This discomfort might be causing anxiety.
When they avoid certain topics: Watch for kids who dodge questions about their friends, school, or even their feelings. This behavior may mean that something is amiss.
Becoming unusually quiet: Children tend to talk a lot about… everything. If that changes, and they become withdrawn, it may indicate they don’t know how to express their concerns.

Key body language cues to look out for

Facial expressions: If the expression on their faces doesn’t match their words, it can be a sign. They might not be truthful. A blank stare or a forced smile when they claim they are okay might indicate this.
Defensive posture: A child who fidgets, crosses their arms, or turns away from you may indicate they are withdrawing. This behavior may signal that something or someone is causing them discomfort or worry.
Attitude changes: emotional stress may be expressed as either sudden need for independence or excessive clinginess.

Listen to word choice & tone of voice

Vague: A child who says “I don’t care” or “whatever” might mean the exact opposite.
Too apologetic: Self-blame might mean a growing low self-esteem or they don’t want to disappoint you.
Joking about serious things: Humour can be a cover for insecurity.

What To Do Next…

As a concerned parent, you may have heard some of the following suggestions… “Validate your child’s feelings without telling them what to do.” (That makes sense.) “Ask open-ended questions to give your child the opportunity to fill in the blanks.” (Yeah, another good one.)

You could probably list several yourself.

But the big takeaway should be found within a parent’s attitude and commitment.

As children grow, they struggle to ‘fit in’ to their surrounding world. They might come across as being unreasonable or argumentative. They can also appear frustrated, etc. Parents often take the hit and trying to navigate through it, is similar to crossing a landmine.

The smart parent will understand and NOT take any outbursts as PERSONAL. They realize that all the ups and downs are part of that all important process we typically call… growing up.

In hindsight, those earlier toddler and preschool years were, not only wonderful, but much easier. However, remind yourself (repeatedly) that the ‘growing up’ years are also wonderful.

Strive to become a parent who understands. Allow your child the time they need to establish a firm footing in the world. You’re there to help when it’s necessary and … guess what … your child knows it.

Now… whether or not you should trust their friends, school, neighborhoods, etc… Not so much. Be vigilant and remember to listen to what your child is not saying. They may need you to step in with a few tips here and there along the way.

Suzanne writes fiction for kids 10-14. Her latest efforts target kids’ health and wellness. If you, or someone you know, are interested in lively health-focused narratives,for the children you care about, then visit her author page on Amazon.

Thanks for the visit.

Character Development · Parent and child relationships · Responsible Parents

“Do As I Say, Not As I Do”

February 2, 2023 SuzanneLeave a comment

Whoever first coined the phrase “Do as I say, not as I do!” undoubtedly had good intentions but let’s face it, when it comes to raising children, intentions don’t count for much, at least not “for the long haul”. (Yet another old adage; the English language abounds with them.)

For instance: It may have been an expression used by a smoker, who did not want their child to pick up their bad habit, whatever the reason, the phrase has been around for a long, long time and can be applied to many situations. Gossip, back-biting, slander, cursing at other motorists, shoving someone to get to the front of the line, throwing something at the wall, and so forth – really the list can be a long one.

Question: Will this worn out expression… “Do as I say, not as I do!” nurture children, during their formative years, under the aforementioned displays of frustration, anger, etc.?

Answer: Ah… Not much.

Why?

Much of a child’s behaviour is learned by the examples they witness repeated before them. Words help but “Actions speak louder than words!” (Yep, another one.)

Digressing for a moment: Experience may be the way children learn, however it might not always be the safest. Overindulging in alcohol, experimenting with drugs, and promiscuity are a few examples of life’s experiences we’d like to prevent our children from “Learning the hard way!” (I won’t say it…lol)

Furthermore: How is it that we can easily forgive ourselves, make excuses, and expect our bad behaviour to be tolerated but then… turn around and criticize a child for mimicking the same behaviour? Ludicrous. Right?

*Children Learn by What They Have Seen and Heard*

That is why it is so very important for adults (parents, teachers, neighbours, shoppers, motorists, etc.) to set the right form of behaviour.

It’s not always easy but it is our responsibility.

Suzanne Rightley is an author of children’s fiction. For a list of her books visit Suzanne Rightley.

parents · Teens · Work Ethics · Work Experience

Why Building a Teen’s Work Ethic Has Never Been More Important

January 5, 2023February 2, 2023 SuzanneLeave a comment

Work Ethic and the benefits of part-time and/or summer job work experience should top your teenager’s ‘to do’ list this year.

The first thing that will likely pop into your son or daughter’s mind – on the prospects of having a part-time or summer job is… money. They will focus on what they’ll earn, and what they can buy, but as a parent, you should know that the benefits go beyond the pay cheques.

Having a boss: A boss is very different than a parent or teacher.

A boss tells you what to do (which is similar to a parent or teacher).
However, with a boss, there’s no room for argument (unlike the aforementioned, who tend to listen/tolerate, ready to explain/instruct… with patience).
There’s a required nurturing presence with parents and teachers, which is typically (often by necessity) lacking in a boss.

If a young employee’s thoughts run contrary to the instructions he or she is given… and should this young employee decide to argue in defense of his or her ideas… then guess what… this particular young employee may not have their job for long.

Teens feel comfortable at home (rightly so) and they like to have their say (Think: voicing their complaints, whining, attempting to reason etc., you get the idea.)

For your teenager… this new ‘work experience’ can be an eye-opener.

The boss is right. That’s it. Whether the boss is actually right or wrong, has nothing to do with it. He or she is right, by nature of the fact, that he or she is the boss.

Your teen will figure that out quickly! Hopefully! Or… there goes the job!

A Discussion on Life Skills They’ll Acquire…

Self-discipline

Showing up, to work, on time, no excuses… requires a great deal of self-discipline.

Now, if you are the type of parent who makes sure he or she gets there on time — you prepare the lunchbox, you set the alarm, you yell at him/her until they finally get up, you make breakfast, etc., then…well…you are the one who is self-disciplined (but you already knew that).

However, if your teen takes the initiative for all of the above, then they already know a thing or two about being self-governing (congratulations… mom & dad… you’ve already done something right along the way).

But… like most teens, they might need some pushing, reminding, and so forth…, but hey, that’s all part of what a part-time or summer job can do for your son or daughter.

Thanks to you… and thanks to the job… your teen is developing a strong character trait.

Discretion

If there is ever a place to learn that it is best to keep your mouth shut, and not get caught up in gossip and slander — it’s at work.

when to report a problem from when to let it go
how to speak in a manner that does not offend
not contributing to rumours or spreading private information

These are things that are best learned through experience. Sure, you can explain all of the above, but words are only words until they make sense. The daily practice of discretion, is where the necessity for it is learned.

Team work

Seems obvious, but as many of us can attest, the workplace is frought with problems, because many people lack the skills to be quality team members.

‘Getting the job done’ may sound like the most important thing (and it is), but how co-workers ‘get the job done’ is where the joy of employment-based team work truly shines.

Furthermore, in the hustle and bustle of work… people often get their toes stepped on, they get offended, and so forth. Learning how to navigate through difficulties, without dwelling on the hurt feelings, is a great lifeskill to develop. The old adage of ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’ is a key aspect of team work.

Endurance

An eight hour day, with only two fifteen minute breaks and an hour for lunch is a lot for your son or daughter to get through at first.

No checking in with his friends, via social media avenues, is a big deal. Is that even possible? (Ha-ha)

To do a proper job, requires focus… Your teen will learn that the phone is a distraction they cannot afford, if they want to do the job well, get paid, earn a good future reference, and basically…

Not get fired!

Humility

Sports can build a sense of pride and accomplishment … and that’s great. Work can build upon this as well, but there’s more.

Your son or daughter will come to recognize their ability to follow instruction, to practice self-control, to be responsible, and accountable for their actions.

This requires not pride, but rather humility. A humble person can be told what to do, and be willing to do the job they are being paid to do.

The Ah Moments of Those Days Off

Reading is still a great way to relax and enjoy some much needed quiet time. In a fast-paced, social-frenzied world, reading remains a positive influence for teens. Their brains continue to develop during these formative years – a little peace and quiet is helpful and more importantly – necessary.

In Suzanne Rightley’s book Stick to Irons one teen discovers that the challenges of making career decisions, is harder than he thought. But thanks to his friends, family, and… his summer job… he’ll learn a lot about himself and what his future may hold.

Ivey Sisters, P.I. explores the mysteries and thrills of inheriting a detective agency. Being a business partner, while continuing her education, presents many challenges for Claire, but with determination and support from family, friends, and co-workers, detective work is… well… fun.

For more books written by Suzanne Rightley visit her author page here.

suzannerightley.com

Thanks for the visit.

Character Development · formative years · Opinions · Parent and child relationships · Parenting · Society and Values

Nameless Behind a Steering Wheel

December 10, 2022December 10, 2022 SuzanneLeave a comment

For some outraged drivers, sitting in the driver’s seat, affords them the freedom to yell and criticize other drivers and pedestrians.

Why is that?

The thing is, most of these same outraged people, would never vent, up close and personal, in someone’s face but within the confines of their vehicles, they become the all-knowing ‘superior drivers’ when they compare themselves to other motorists.

Their driving skills are exceptional (after all).

Sobering Fact: This blog is not likely to sway such drivers because… they already know their behaviour is unbecoming but the venting time is something they need (crave maybe) in efforts to derive a sense of control.

Surely there are other reasons, but the point of this blog is not to psychoanalyze, but rather to look at this from another vantage point… let’s say from the eyes of a five-year-old child.

OOPS!

Consider the following example…

A mom standing at a busy intersection holding her young son’s hand. The boy has his backpack proudly secured over his slim shoulders wearing a grin from ear to ear. He’s excited about going to school.

It’s a busy area with city buses coming and going in all directions because, beside a local elementary school, this is a popular bus stop for university and college students as well. Plus, there are commuters on their way to work.

As the boy and his mom wait to cross the busy street, a bus pulls up to take on ten to fifteen passengers. One of the would be passengers is an elderly man with a cane. He’s slow. Very slow…and many people are huffing about the delay but they keep silent.

Just another day in a busy life. The mom barely notices while the child seamlessly absorbs what he witnesses.

Here’s where it gets interesting…

A motorist pulls up behind the aforementioned bus and is halted, forced to come to a standstill. The other lanes are moving along at a snail’s pace, bumper to bumper. No quick lane change for the now temporarily ‘parked’ motorist.

The honking starts.

Yep… the driver is officially ‘ticked’ at the city bus. The hand goes down heavy on the horn.

From an objective (as opposed to subjective) bystander’s point of view it would go something like… “Hey, what do you expect the bus driver to do? Push a non-existent hydraulic button to raise the bus so you, ‘the important and impatient motorist’, can drive smoothly/safely under the bus?”

Ridiculous… sure. But isn’t honking at a city bus, who is…by nature of the job, at a standstill to allow commuters to board?

Aside from the obvious futility of the motorist’s outrage, at a city bus driver, is the mother’s indifference. She does not bend down to her child’s eye level and explain that the behaviour is not acceptable. What her son is seeing is a lack of patience, consideration, and etc.

For her, this is simply another ‘expected’ behaviour and therefore she gives it little thought…if any.

Meanwhile, her 5 year-old son, seamlessly absorbs what he witnesses. He assimilates the scene as ‘normal’ behaviour.

As motorists – we can do better.

As parents and other significant adults – we can take a moment to explain. Otherwise, in a few short years, this same 5 year-old will become another nameless driver who indulges in the freedom to vent at other ‘idiots’ on the road. Let’s face it… his driving skills are exceptional (after all).

Thanks for the visit

Suzanne Rightley is the author of several children’s fictional stories. Visit her author page here or website @ suzannerightley.com