Unhealthy children, and the longstanding, natural ability of adults to observe the signs and symptoms is on the hot seat.
Why? When did observing children’s behavior and signs of illness become controversial?
Haven’t adults always played a quiet role in safeguarding children – through instinct, observation, and care?
I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the way, noticing things became controversial. Huh? Especially when it comes to children. Really?
On a personal note: my first thought is my own mother. I’m glad she noticed when something was wrong and kept me home from school.
Then there were the teachers. Yeah – I think they can spot a child who is unhealthy. Thankfully, most teachers care enough to inform the parent.
That all seems normal to me.
People have been observing kids forever and making decisions along the way. Consider that children depend on adults for guidance. Adults explain the reasons they need woolly hats and mitts in the winter. They explain why children should drink extra water on hot days. Adults also ensure they look both ways before crossing the street.
But things are different now. Apparently.
Lately, even the most basic observations about children’s health seem to spark controversy.
Recently, Robert Kennedy noted that children don’t look as healthy as they used to. Gasp. He observed obese kids at the airport. Gasp. He noticed they were fixated on their devices. Gasp.
What nerve!
How dare he!
But, don’t worry… the dedicated mainstream news pointed out his outrageous behavior. They very clearly pointed out that Mr. Kennedy is NOT a medical doctor.
Maybe, the rest of us – observant adults better take heed. We are, after all, just regular folk. No medical degrees either. Gasp! We might have some common sense – but, that doesn’t count. As. We. All. Know!!!
Hi… My name is Suzanne. I write middle-grade health fiction stories. I aim to encourage kids to make better, healthier choices for themselves through light and lively narratives.
The topics covered are serious – as they relate to chronic childhood diseases – however, the format is entertaining.
Through humour, outrageous predicaments, and… ah… a few health nerdy clashes, children learn about the issues. Most importantly, they learn how they can improve their own health habits.
To learn more about my books visit my author page on Amazon.
Hearing what kids say, and what they don’t say, is an important aspect of parenting.
What’s really going on?
When children first start speaking, parents are thrilled. They catch every new word (even when adoringly mispronounced) and they share their joy with … just about everyone they know and – considering TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, and etc., a whole lot of people they don’t know.
As time goes on, those wonderful first words turn into a lot of chatter, and chatter, and even more chatter.
Somewhere along the way, many parents sorta tune out some of the gibber-jabber. It’s not hard to understand why. A child’s repetitive chatter is well… repetitive.
But parents should not relax when it comes to listening to their children. As their child’s world broadens, so do the influences – both positive and negative.
From neighborhoods, to schools, after school activities and… of course, let’s not forget their friends… children face many situations.
So yes, parents cherish their baby’s first words. They’re extremely attentive. As they should be.
But, as time speedily moves on, parents need to be even more vigilant about their child’s expanding world.
The harmless chatter from toddlers and preschoolers can change suddenly. This can happen overnight, if parents do not keep their listening skills sharp.
As a responsible parent, you want to tune into the things your kids don’t (or maybe can’t) put into words. To do…
Sharpen Your Listening Skills
Catch What’s Missing
Sudden changes in your child’s interests/routines: If circumstances don’t seem to justify the reasons… then their wish to change a formerly cherished hobby may show something has become uncomfortable for them. Refusing to go to places they used to love may also signal discomfort. This discomfort might be causing anxiety.
When they avoid certain topics: Watch for kids who dodge questions about their friends, school, or even their feelings. This behavior may mean that something is amiss.
Becoming unusually quiet: Children tend to talk a lot about… everything. If that changes, and they become withdrawn, it may indicate they don’t know how to express their concerns.
Key body language cues to look out for
Facial expressions: If the expression on their faces doesn’t match their words, it can be a sign. They might not be truthful. A blank stare or a forced smile when they claim they are okay might indicate this.
Defensive posture: A child who fidgets, crosses their arms, or turns away from you may indicate they are withdrawing. This behavior may signal that something or someone is causing them discomfort or worry.
Attitude changes: emotional stress may be expressed as either sudden need for independence or excessive clinginess.
Listen to word choice & tone of voice
Vague: A child who says “I don’t care” or “whatever” might mean the exact opposite.
Too apologetic: Self-blame might mean a growing low self-esteem or they don’t want to disappoint you.
Joking about serious things: Humour can be a cover for insecurity.
What To Do Next…
As a concerned parent, you may have heard some of the following suggestions… “Validate your child’s feelings without telling them what to do.” (That makes sense.) “Ask open-ended questions to give your child the opportunity to fill in the blanks.” (Yeah, another good one.)
You could probably list several yourself.
But the big takeaway should be found within a parent’s attitude and commitment.
As children grow, they struggle to ‘fit in’ to their surrounding world. They might come across as being unreasonable or argumentative. They can also appear frustrated, etc. Parents often take the hit and trying to navigate through it, is similar to crossing a landmine.
The smart parent will understand and NOT take any outbursts as PERSONAL. They realize that all the ups and downs are part of that all important process we typically call… growing up.
In hindsight, those earlier toddler and preschool years were, not only wonderful, but much easier. However, remind yourself (repeatedly) that the ‘growing up’ years are also wonderful.
Strive to become a parent who understands. Allow your child the time they need to establish a firm footing in the world. You’re there to help when it’s necessary and … guess what … your child knows it.
Now… whether or not you should trust their friends, school, neighborhoods, etc… Not so much. Be vigilant and remember to listen to what your child is not saying. They may need you to step in with a few tips here and there along the way.
Suzanne writes fiction for kids 10-14. Her latest efforts target kids’ health and wellness. If you, or someone you know, are interested in lively health-focused narratives,for the children you care about, then visit her author page on Amazon.
Whoever first coined the phrase “Do as I say, not as I do!” undoubtedly had good intentions but let’s face it, when it comes to raising children, intentions don’t count for much, at least not “for the long haul”. (Yet another old adage; the English language abounds with them.)
For instance: It may have been an expression used by a smoker, who did not want their child to pick up their bad habit, whatever the reason, the phrase has been around for a long, long time and can be applied to many situations. Gossip, back-biting, slander, cursing at other motorists, shoving someone to get to the front of the line, throwing something at the wall, and so forth – really the list can be a long one.
Question: Will this worn out expression… “Do as I say, not as I do!” nurture children, during their formative years, under the aforementioned displays of frustration, anger, etc.?
Answer: Ah… Not much.
Why?
Much of a child’s behaviour is learned by the examples they witness repeated before them. Words help but “Actions speak louder than words!” (Yep, another one.)
Children Learn by Experience
Digressing for a moment: Experience may be the way children learn, however it might not always be the safest. Overindulging in alcohol, experimenting with drugs, and promiscuity are a few examples of life’s experiences we’d like to prevent our children from “Learning the hard way!” (I won’t say it…lol)
Furthermore: How is it that we can easily forgive ourselves, make excuses, and expect our bad behaviour to be tolerated but then… turn around and criticize a child for mimicking the same behaviour? Ludicrous. Right?
Children Learn by What They Have Seen and Heard
That is why it is so very important for adults (parents, teachers, neighbours, shoppers, motorists, etc.) to set the right form of behaviour.
It’s not always easy but it is our responsibility.
Suzanne Rightley is an author of children’s fiction. For a list of her books visit Suzanne Rightley.
Work Ethic and the benefits of part-time and/or summer job work experience should top your teenager’s ‘to do’ list this year.
The first thing that will likely pop into your son or daughter’s mind – on the prospects of having a part-time or summer job is… money. They will focus on what they’ll earn, and what they can buy, but as a parent, you should know that the benefits go beyond the pay cheques.
Having a boss: A boss is very different than a parent or teacher.
A boss tells you what to do (which is similar to a parent or teacher).
However, with a boss, there’s no room for argument (unlike the aforementioned, who tend to listen/tolerate, ready to explain/instruct… with patience).
There’s a required nurturing presence with parents and teachers, which is typically (often by necessity) lacking in a boss.
Following Instruction at the Workplace
If a young employee’s thoughts run contrary to the instructions he or she is given… and should this young employee decide to argue in defense of his or her ideas… then guess what… this particular young employee may not have their job for long.
Teens feel comfortable at home (rightly so) and they like to have their say (Think: voicing their complaints, whining, attempting to reason etc., you get the idea.)
For your teenager… this new ‘work experience’ can be an eye-opener.
The boss is right. That’s it. Whether the boss is actually right or wrong, has nothing to do with it. He or she is right, by nature of the fact, that he or she is the boss.
Your teen will figure that out quickly! Hopefully! Or… there goes the job!
A Discussion on Life Skills They’ll Acquire…
Self-discipline
Showing up, to work, on time, no excuses… requires a great deal of self-discipline.
Now, if you are the type of parent who makes sure he or she gets there on time — you prepare the lunchbox, you set the alarm, you yell at him/her until they finally get up, you make breakfast, etc., then…well…you are the one who is self-disciplined (but you already knew that).
However, if your teen takes the initiative for all of the above, then they already know a thing or two about being self-governing (congratulations… mom & dad… you’ve already done something right along the way).
But… like most teens, they might need some pushing, reminding, and so forth…, but hey, that’s all part of what a part-time or summer job can do for your son or daughter.
Thanks to you… and thanks to the job… your teen is developing a strong character trait.
Discretion
If there is ever a place to learn that it is best to keep your mouth shut, and not get caught up in gossip and slander — it’s at work.
when to report a problem from when to let it go
how to speak in a manner that does not offend
not contributing to rumours or spreading private information
These are things that are best learned through experience. Sure, you can explain all of the above, but words are only words until they make sense. The daily practice of discretion, is where the necessity for it is learned.
Team work
Seems obvious, but as many of us can attest, the workplace is frought with problems, because many people lack the skills to be quality team members.
‘Getting the job done’ may sound like the most important thing (and it is), but how co-workers ‘get the job done’ is where the joy of employment-based team work truly shines.
Furthermore, in the hustle and bustle of work… people often get their toes stepped on, they get offended, and so forth. Learning how to navigate through difficulties, without dwelling on the hurt feelings, is a great lifeskill to develop. The old adage of ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’ is a key aspect of team work.
Endurance
An eight hour day, with only two fifteen minute breaks and an hour for lunch is a lot for your son or daughter to get through at first.
Drained by Full Day’s Work
No checking in with his friends, via social media avenues, is a big deal. Is that even possible? (Ha-ha)
To do a proper job, requires focus… Your teen will learn that the phone is a distraction they cannot afford, if they want to do the job well, get paid, earn a good future reference, and basically…
Not get fired!
Humility
Sports can build a sense of pride and accomplishment … and that’s great. Work can build upon this as well, but there’s more.
Your son or daughter will come to recognize their ability to follow instruction, to practice self-control, to be responsible, and accountable for their actions.
This requires not pride, but rather humility. A humble person can be told what to do, and be willing to do the job they are being paid to do.
The Ah Moments of Those Days Off
Reading is still a great way to relax and enjoy some much needed quiet time. In a fast-paced, social-frenzied world, reading remains a positive influence for teens. Their brains continue to develop during these formative years – a little peace and quiet is helpful and more importantly – necessary.
Quiet Time to Unwind
In Suzanne Rightley’s book Stick to Irons one teen discovers that the challenges of making career decisions, is harder than he thought. But thanks to his friends, family, and… his summer job… he’ll learn a lot about himself and what his future may hold.
Ivey Sisters, P.I. explores the mysteries and thrills of inheriting a detective agency. Being a business partner, while continuing her education, presents many challenges for Claire, but with determination and support from family, friends, and co-workers, detective work is… well… fun.
For more books written by Suzanne Rightley visit her author page here.
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