Whoever first coined the phrase “Do as I say, not as I do!” undoubtedly had good intentions but let’s face it, when it comes to raising children, intentions don’t count for much, at least not “for the long haul”. (Yet another old adage; the English language abounds with them.)
For instance: It may have been an expression used by a smoker, who did not want their child to pick up their bad habit, whatever the reason, the phrase has been around for a long, long time and can be applied to many situations. Gossip, back-biting, slander, cursing at other motorists, shoving someone to get to the front of the line, throwing something at the wall, and so forth – really the list can be a long one.
Question: Will this worn out expression… “Do as I say, not as I do!” nurture children, during their formative years, under the aforementioned displays of frustration, anger, etc.?
Answer: Ah… Not much.
Why?
Much of a child’s behaviour is learned by the examples they witness repeated before them. Words help but “Actions speak louder than words!” (Yep, another one.)
Children Learn by Experience
Digressing for a moment: Experience may be the way children learn, however it might not always be the safest. Overindulging in alcohol, experimenting with drugs, and promiscuity are a few examples of life’s experiences we’d like to prevent our children from “Learning the hard way!” (I won’t say it…lol)
Furthermore: How is it that we can easily forgive ourselves, make excuses, and expect our bad behaviour to be tolerated but then… turn around and criticize a child for mimicking the same behaviour? Ludicrous. Right?
Children Learn by What They Have Seen and Heard
That is why it is so very important for adults (parents, teachers, neighbours, shoppers, motorists, etc.) to set the right form of behaviour.
It’s not always easy but it is our responsibility.
Suzanne Rightley is an author of children’s fiction. For a list of her books visit Suzanne Rightley.
Children today will shape health and wellness awareness tomorrow. Therefore, this is our time (concerned adults) to step up and give them the knowledge they need to effect those necessary changes.
To Do: Teach Them
Using detailed data, endless statistics, confusing graphs, blah, blah…which all equals “BORING” to children …. Or
Imagination, vision, and fiction… featuring a kid heroine with health facts spouting out of her mouth, ah, constantly, one hilarious predicament after another
If you’re a kid, the choice is obvious!
Sadly Our Reality Today is Loaded with Statistics… non of which is fictional…
Obesity and other metabolic diseases such as Type 2 Diabetes, Insulin Resistance, and Cardiovascular Disease have become a far worse “pandemic” than the Coronavirus ever hoped to achieve in its wildest dreams (assuming a virus could dream in terms of stardom).
In addition, adults are not the only victims. Children are not immune to metabolic diseases and the growing numbers of sick kids is frightening.
One Suggestion… Health Awareness as a new fiction genre for kids
Children’s fiction author, Suzanne Rightley, has two books published aimed at relaying healthy lifestyle choices to our children, directly, via fun/lively/often humourous dialogue… aka fiction (Genre: Health Awareness)
Besides her obvious goal of educating kids on matters of health/making healthy choices, Suzanne hopes to inspire other children’s authors to jump on board.
These are the ideal days to push helpful data to children.
Many parents and teachers are looking for material to support their efforts in assisting kids in matters of their own health and wellness. As authors we can give them helpful tools to back up their efforts.
Visit any of the following links to learn more about Suzanne’s fictional hero… affectionately known as Granola Brea…
Time flies. Right? Before you know it, your precious youngsters are going to school, then college, then work, then… they visit you.
These are wonderful days. It may be challenging, but do not allow life’s stresses to steal quality time with your children.
To do so requires self-examination and of course… planning.
Know yourself – a little time to reflect on your current lifestyle is crucial. What are the triggers that easily throw off your best intentions. For many parents the distractions come from their phones. Notifications, by design, are set up for the receiver to take immediate action. The reality is – they can be ignored. Your child, on the other hand, should not be ignored if ‘quality time’ is your objective. Think – “I can mute my phone. I cannot mute my child.” It’s a priority thing.
There are times when you and your child’s plans are interrupted for legitimate reasons – someone knocks on the door, it’s the courier. Will this interruption last 2 minutes or 2 hours. Receiving the package is quick. Opening the package may throw off your best intentions if the product isn’t what you ordered and you’re ‘forced’ to contact the sender, etc. etc. You get the picture. Unexpected things do come up from time to time. How you assess and react may require some pre-planning. Think – triage. Do what must be done to handle the interruption efficiently and put off the rest until the timing is better for you and your child. Again – a priority thing.
Recognize/appreciate the characteristics of quality time – there are no set rules here. The amount of time you spend with your child will vary. Listening to their thoughts may only take 5 minutes out of your schedule, but your undivided attention matters to your little one. Take advantage of those precious moments and structure your body language to reflect your deep interest. Do you stop what you are doing to fully listen? Or do you simply nod along at what seems to be appropriate intervals? One thing is for sure – your child will know the difference.
Shared moments today will become fulfilling memories tomorrow.
Children may not recall the number of times you took them to the park, but they will remember enjoying their play time experience if they felt safe and had fun.
How you handle their problems will resonate throughout their formative years. Shouting, grounding, assorted punishments, and so forth do little in helping them know how to resolve their very real crises. A little empathy, thoughtful suggestions, and helping them understand real life consequences are far more meaningful than doing without ice cream for the next six months, which everyone knows is impossible.
Going the extra mile for your child might mean assistance with homework, reminding them to brush their teeth, helping them to keep there room neat and tidy, or encouraging words before a team sport. Consistency is key.
The rewards of good parenting may or may not be felt at the moment, but they will manifest themselves during the gratifying times you’ll spend with your ‘grown’ children, as you recall special moments during those… future visits.
Suzanne Rightley is an author of children’s fiction. Visit her author page for a complete list of her books.
Work Ethic and the benefits of part-time and/or summer job work experience should top your teenager’s ‘to do’ list this year.
The first thing that will likely pop into your son or daughter’s mind – on the prospects of having a part-time or summer job is… money. They will focus on what they’ll earn, and what they can buy, but as a parent, you should know that the benefits go beyond the pay cheques.
Having a boss: A boss is very different than a parent or teacher.
A boss tells you what to do (which is similar to a parent or teacher).
However, with a boss, there’s no room for argument (unlike the aforementioned, who tend to listen/tolerate, ready to explain/instruct… with patience).
There’s a required nurturing presence with parents and teachers, which is typically (often by necessity) lacking in a boss.
Following Instruction at the Workplace
If a young employee’s thoughts run contrary to the instructions he or she is given… and should this young employee decide to argue in defense of his or her ideas… then guess what… this particular young employee may not have their job for long.
Teens feel comfortable at home (rightly so) and they like to have their say (Think: voicing their complaints, whining, attempting to reason etc., you get the idea.)
For your teenager… this new ‘work experience’ can be an eye-opener.
The boss is right. That’s it. Whether the boss is actually right or wrong, has nothing to do with it. He or she is right, by nature of the fact, that he or she is the boss.
Your teen will figure that out quickly! Hopefully! Or… there goes the job!
A Discussion on Life Skills They’ll Acquire…
Self-discipline
Showing up, to work, on time, no excuses… requires a great deal of self-discipline.
Now, if you are the type of parent who makes sure he or she gets there on time — you prepare the lunchbox, you set the alarm, you yell at him/her until they finally get up, you make breakfast, etc., then…well…you are the one who is self-disciplined (but you already knew that).
However, if your teen takes the initiative for all of the above, then they already know a thing or two about being self-governing (congratulations… mom & dad… you’ve already done something right along the way).
But… like most teens, they might need some pushing, reminding, and so forth…, but hey, that’s all part of what a part-time or summer job can do for your son or daughter.
Thanks to you… and thanks to the job… your teen is developing a strong character trait.
Discretion
If there is ever a place to learn that it is best to keep your mouth shut, and not get caught up in gossip and slander — it’s at work.
when to report a problem from when to let it go
how to speak in a manner that does not offend
not contributing to rumours or spreading private information
These are things that are best learned through experience. Sure, you can explain all of the above, but words are only words until they make sense. The daily practice of discretion, is where the necessity for it is learned.
Team work
Seems obvious, but as many of us can attest, the workplace is frought with problems, because many people lack the skills to be quality team members.
‘Getting the job done’ may sound like the most important thing (and it is), but how co-workers ‘get the job done’ is where the joy of employment-based team work truly shines.
Furthermore, in the hustle and bustle of work… people often get their toes stepped on, they get offended, and so forth. Learning how to navigate through difficulties, without dwelling on the hurt feelings, is a great lifeskill to develop. The old adage of ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’ is a key aspect of team work.
Endurance
An eight hour day, with only two fifteen minute breaks and an hour for lunch is a lot for your son or daughter to get through at first.
Drained by Full Day’s Work
No checking in with his friends, via social media avenues, is a big deal. Is that even possible? (Ha-ha)
To do a proper job, requires focus… Your teen will learn that the phone is a distraction they cannot afford, if they want to do the job well, get paid, earn a good future reference, and basically…
Not get fired!
Humility
Sports can build a sense of pride and accomplishment … and that’s great. Work can build upon this as well, but there’s more.
Your son or daughter will come to recognize their ability to follow instruction, to practice self-control, to be responsible, and accountable for their actions.
This requires not pride, but rather humility. A humble person can be told what to do, and be willing to do the job they are being paid to do.
The Ah Moments of Those Days Off
Reading is still a great way to relax and enjoy some much needed quiet time. In a fast-paced, social-frenzied world, reading remains a positive influence for teens. Their brains continue to develop during these formative years – a little peace and quiet is helpful and more importantly – necessary.
Quiet Time to Unwind
In Suzanne Rightley’s book Stick to Irons one teen discovers that the challenges of making career decisions, is harder than he thought. But thanks to his friends, family, and… his summer job… he’ll learn a lot about himself and what his future may hold.
Ivey Sisters, P.I. explores the mysteries and thrills of inheriting a detective agency. Being a business partner, while continuing her education, presents many challenges for Claire, but with determination and support from family, friends, and co-workers, detective work is… well… fun.
For more books written by Suzanne Rightley visit her author page here.
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