Hearing what kids say, and what they don’t say, is an important aspect of parenting.
When children first start speaking, parents are thrilled. They catch every new word (even when adoringly mispronounced) and they share their joy with … just about everyone they know and – considering TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, and etc., a whole lot of people they don’t know.
As time goes on, those wonderful first words turn into a lot of chatter, and chatter, and even more chatter.
Somewhere along the way, many parents sorta tune out some of the gibber-jabber. It’s not hard to understand why. A child’s repetitive chatter is well… repetitive.
But parents should not relax when it comes to listening to their children. As their child’s world broadens, so do the influences – both positive and negative.
From neighborhoods, to schools, after school activities and… of course, let’s not forget their friends… children face many situations.
So yes, parents cherish their baby’s first words. They’re extremely attentive. As they should be.
But, as time speedily moves on, parents need to be even more vigilant about their child’s expanding world.
The harmless chatter from toddlers and preschoolers can change suddenly. This can happen overnight, if parents do not keep their listening skills sharp.
As a responsible parent, you want to tune into the things your kids don’t (or maybe can’t) put into words. To do…
Sharpen Your Listening Skills
Catch What’s Missing
- Sudden changes in your child’s interests/routines: If circumstances don’t seem to justify the reasons… then their wish to change a formerly cherished hobby may show something has become uncomfortable for them. Refusing to go to places they used to love may also signal discomfort. This discomfort might be causing anxiety.
- When they avoid certain topics: Watch for kids who dodge questions about their friends, school, or even their feelings. This behavior may mean that something is amiss.
- Becoming unusually quiet: Children tend to talk a lot about… everything. If that changes, and they become withdrawn, it may indicate they don’t know how to express their concerns.
Key body language cues to look out for
- Facial expressions: If the expression on their faces doesn’t match their words, it can be a sign. They might not be truthful. A blank stare or a forced smile when they claim they are okay might indicate this.
- Defensive posture: A child who fidgets, crosses their arms, or turns away from you may indicate they are withdrawing. This behavior may signal that something or someone is causing them discomfort or worry.
- Attitude changes: emotional stress may be expressed as either sudden need for independence or excessive clinginess.
Listen to word choice & tone of voice
- Vague: A child who says “I don’t care” or “whatever” might mean the exact opposite.
- Too apologetic: Self-blame might mean a growing low self-esteem or they don’t want to disappoint you.
- Joking about serious things: Humour can be a cover for insecurity.
What To Do Next…
As a concerned parent, you may have heard some of the following suggestions… “Validate your child’s feelings without telling them what to do.” (That makes sense.) “Ask open-ended questions to give your child the opportunity to fill in the blanks.” (Yeah, another good one.)
You could probably list several yourself.
But the big takeaway should be found within a parent’s attitude and commitment.
As children grow, they struggle to ‘fit in’ to their surrounding world. They might come across as being unreasonable or argumentative. They can also appear frustrated, etc. Parents often take the hit and trying to navigate through it, is similar to crossing a landmine.
The smart parent will understand and NOT take any outbursts as PERSONAL. They realize that all the ups and downs are part of that all important process we typically call… growing up.
In hindsight, those earlier toddler and preschool years were, not only wonderful, but much easier. However, remind yourself (repeatedly) that the ‘growing up’ years are also wonderful.
Strive to become a parent who understands. Allow your child the time they need to establish a firm footing in the world. You’re there to help when it’s necessary and … guess what … your child knows it.
Now… whether or not you should trust their friends, school, neighborhoods, etc… Not so much. Be vigilant and remember to listen to what your child is not saying. They may need you to step in with a few tips here and there along the way.
Suzanne writes fiction for kids 10-14. Her latest efforts target kids’ health and wellness. If you, or someone you know, are interested in lively health-focused narratives,for the children you care about, then visit her author page on Amazon.
Thanks for the visit.
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